Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
