I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
