Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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