I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
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I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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