Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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