Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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