I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
