I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
