ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
