nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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