he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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