so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
