I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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