Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
