I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
