mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
