I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
