You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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