my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
