I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
