my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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