we have pet lesbian snakes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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