come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
