I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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