If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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