just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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