One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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