i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
