i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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