we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
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Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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