Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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