five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
