Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
