Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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