My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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