my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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