just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
