maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
