Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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