Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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