I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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