she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
