I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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