And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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