Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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