Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
