I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
