why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
