Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How does one acquire holy water?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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