It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
