im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
