Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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