Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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