I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
