Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
