me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Come on in and take your pants off
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