So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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