By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
