Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
