I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
