she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
