I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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