Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
MIDGETS
????
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
