You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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