Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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